Working with Anger
อาจารย์ สุนทรา
Witnessing the mind is not so simple. When we try to be a witness, a knower who watches and observes, it can take a while before we come to the place where the mind settles, where it is relaxed, present and aware enough to actually begin seeing things in the moment.
Even then we might still not be skilled in seeing; it can take a long time. I spent years witnessing anger and letting it go, and it would come back! I would be aware of the experience of anger, and I would notice when I was free from anger, but it took a long time to come to the place where I actually saw anger as it was.
Maybe some of you can relate to that. The feeling of anger can be so close to us, like our own skin; sometimes we may have no idea that we are even angry. We may only become aware of it when it is extreme, when it is almost taking over the mind.
So, for a long time we miss the subtle quality of anger that is part of our makeup. We haven’t yet developed enough space to witness it. We are too much into being this anger, becoming this anger, without any distance between us and the feeling. When anger is still only a subtle thought, it can quickly and easily invade our minds. Our perceptions become angry. Our feelings become angry. Our reactions become angry. We become irritable. It all started with just a thought, a perception or a memory.
It could take a long time before we are able to get a handle on anger, greed, jealousy or suffering. So for a long time we assume that suffering is caused by something ‘out there’, outside ‘me’. How often do we see the suffering and its source where it begins?
For many years we can respond to our suffering as if somebody is doing something to us. When somebody tells me ‘you are stupid’, I get angry. When that person says ‘you are lovely’, I get really happy. Who is reacting? Where does the reaction begin and end? We are doing the deepest work a human can do. We are unravelling the delusions of mind, unravelling the blind habits and deluded perceptions.
The Buddha’s path teaches us how to go back to the source. We ask, ‘Who is feeling these feelings?’ On the path of awakening we want to liberate our minds from reacting to life in ways that perpetuate delusion and suffering. Are we committed to that? Even an utterly wretched mind can be changed into an awakened, happy and liberated mind. Whether feeling good, bad or indifferent, we can learn to witness the workings of mind.
Nothing is wasted on the Buddha’s path. Each moment can be a complete moment of liberation.
This reflection by Ajahn Sundara is from the book, Seeds of Dhamma, (pdf) pp. 26-28.
