After being hurt in a relationship, some decide never to leave themselves open to such suffering again. They choose a strategy of closing their hearts as a defence, making themselves unavailable for trusting relationships of any kind. It is understandable that we try to protect ourselves from suffering, but in this case the strategy leads to another kind of suffering – that of isolation, lonelines…

The Buddhist teaching asks us to reflect on the human experience, starting with the feeling of separation and alienation that is common to all of us. If we don’t contemplate our own existence or try to understand it, then our life seems to be filled with meaningless activity and our sense of that tends to increase the feeling of separation and alienation. We want to find someone who will fulfill u…

As monastics, we make a commitment to harmlessness. However, the way our training works is to allow us to see directly those energies that maybe aren’t so harmless and aren’t so beautiful: the powerful lust, sensuality or rage that all come bubbling up. It can be rather alarming at first; but now, having experienced those energies within my own heart, I can understand much better the state of the…

If you should find a wise person who, like a revealer of treasure, points out your faults and reproves you, associate with them. Association with such a person is for the better, not the worse. (Dhammapada 76) If, even for a moment, an intelligent person associates with someone wise, he will quickly apprehend the Truth — just as the tongue apprehends the flavour of soup. (Dhammapada 65) We can nev…

When he was 20 years old, his parents arranged for him to be married. His wife’s name was Nang Mee. They had seven children together. He lived the life of a lay person for many years, supporting his family following the customs of the world. It seems, however, that the relationship with his wife was not a smooth and happy one, due to the fact that his wife was never content to remain faithful to h…

Cultivation of the Divine Abidings (friendliness, compassion, empathetic joy and equanimity) is one of the ways to connect with the spiritual heart and in the process create a more emotionally integrated spiritual life. An integrated heart/mind deepens and enriches meditation experience, pervading all levels of our being. We begin by expressing these qualities towards ourselves until they overflow…

When I speak about listening, I don’t just mean the auditory element. I also use “listening” as a synonym for awareness beyond the sense of hearing. So when I suggest that you listen, you can go to sound first if you’d like, but then you let go of sound so that there’s just pure awareness. “Looking” is also used as a synonym for this broader sense of awareness. Looking at the way things are is obv…

When I talk about reflection, what we do is just look at what’s driving us, what kind of ideals we have. It’s not that we shouldn’t have ideals. But what are our expectations and the results of our life so far? What is it we are attached to and holding on to? What are we doing that’s causing a particular result? This is a way of self-knowledge, of looking into the way things are. We are not judgin…

Sometimes carrying the baggage of a spiritual tradition can take us away from the present moment. Clinging to Buddhist perception is not the path. This is why we sometimes don’t feel the joy of practice: because we are still holding onto ideas of how things should be, instead of drinking at the source and quenching our thirst for enlightenment, for freedom. Drinking at the source means seeing dire…

Use the structure of mindfulness of breathing to develop this quality of knowing. There are sixteen steps in the Ānāpānasati Sutta (M 118) on mindfulness of breathing. The first two steps are: “Breathing in long, one knows one is breathing in long; breathing out long, one knows one is breathing out long. Breathing in short, one knows one is breathing in short; breathing out short, one knows one…