Mindfulness
Ajahn Thiradhammo
The first stage of working with ill-will is to be clearly mindful of this condition of mind.
This is very important, since we are usually very eager to avoid it, change it or in some way get away from it. However, if we don’t clearly understand what ill-will and all its permutations and machinations are, we are not able to work through them with any degree of honesty and true knowing.
In the discourse on the Attendings with Mindfulness (M. sutta 10 or here; D. sutta 22 or here) we are instructed to be aware of the conditions of mind of both aversion (dosa) and ill-will. This may sound quite easy, but since this condition of mind is unpleasant in itself and arises due to unpleasant feeling tone, being aware of it is usually easier said than done. If we also factor in a lifetime of avoidance reaction and resistance to ill-will, we can appreciate the necessity of making a concerted effort to establish clear mindfulness around this topic.
The power of mindfulness, once sufficiently established, can create an objectifying of this volatile emotion, so that we can non-judgementally, non-reactively observe the bare facts of its manifestation. Also, when mindfulness is reasonably well-established, we are able to observe the beginning stages of ill-will before it becomes too empowered. We are vigilant about the initiating causes and can skilfully deal with them before they ignite the aversion circuit.
The most helpful method is to be mindful of the bodily sensations associated with ill-will, in particular the physical contraction. While still mostly unpleasant, they are at least more tangible and stable than the mental expressions. Once we become more familiar with these sensations, we can use them as a base from which to observe some of the more ephemeral mental expressions, for example, avoidance.
Perhaps you can notice that when there is awareness of pain, the mind tends to look somewhere else. It can be quite hard to keep the awareness on the pain. However, try to objectively investigate this unpleasant feeling tone and its ill-will response. This attitude can help us shift our relationship from being the subject of the pain to the observer of the pain.
One of the simplest ways of resolving ill-will is simply to be aware of what it does to you, physically and mentally. How does it ‘feel’ to have ill-will? Take a look in the mirror. How do you behave when you have ill-will? What do you say? What is your body language? Is it pleasant?
A special type of practice, which may require a sufficient degree of mindfulness, is to try to separate the energy of ill-will/aversion from the object. As you are probably well aware, there is considerable energy in the aversion reaction and, while there may be some specific trigger for it, most of the energy really comes from the back log of unresolved hurt we are holding. The triggering object is often not the real issue but only the trigger.
With more awareness of the conditioned nature of the aversion reaction we can perhaps focus less on the object of ill-will and investigate the energy of it. It has its particular forms and expressions, but where is it really coming from?
And sometimes we may be able to tune into it and direct it in a more skilful way.
This reflection by Ajahn Thiradhammo is from the book Working with the Five Hindrances, in “Ill Will,” (pdf) pp. 92-94.
