Why get married? Vows: this was about solemnizing, a strong binding. And that meant, as I commented in my address, stretching the softer aspects of love to include patience, compassion and a resolute act of faith in each other’s capacity to work through the challenges. An enjoyable partnership had just turned into a potentially deepening union. …in this life the value of a vow can be experienced e…

…In Western psychology, ego-development is impossible without assuming a clear sense of self. But in Buddhism, with its realization that there is no clear dividing line between your own true happiness and that of others, the underlying assumption of ego-development is a clear sense of cause and effect, seeing which actions lead to suffering, which ones lead to short-term happiness, which ones lead…

So as you meditate, it’s important to understand that you’re not here to suppress an emotion, to deny that it exists. You want to be very clear about what’s going on in the mind, but at the same time you want to learn how to use the mind wisely, to approach your emotions wisely. When fear, greed, anger, or delusion come up in the mind, it’s not necessarily helpful to express them outside because s…

In Buddhist teachings love is looked at in terms of the toxic or nourishing mental states present in the minds of lovers and loved. A range of emotions may be distinguished. At its coarsest level love may be narcissistic and demanding; at its most sublime love is selfless and unconditioned. Personal love tends to oscillate from one end of this scale to the other. Buddhists are taught that the more…

Near Sāvatthī. As he was sitting to one side, King Pasenadi Kosala said to the Blessed One: “Just now, lord, while I was alone in seclusion, this train of thought arose in my awareness: ‘Who are dear to themselves, and who are not dear to themselves?’ Then it occurred to me: ‘Those who engage in bodily misconduct, verbal misconduct, & mental misconduct are not dear to themselves. Even though they…

“Monks, these two bright qualities guard the world. Which two? Shame & compunction. If these two bright qualities did not guard the world, there would be no recognition of ‘mother’ here, no recognition of ‘mother’s sister,’ ‘uncle’s wife,’ ‘teacher’s wife,’ or ‘wives of those who deserve respect.’ The world would be immersed in promiscuity, like rams with goats, roosters with pigs, or dogs with ja…

The Buddha said, “The Dhamma is for one who feels, not for one who does not feel.” I love that because I am a very sensitive person, so there is a lot of feeling going on. It can be pretty intense at times. It can be quite unpleasant. Certainly, much of my early years of practice were motivated by the wish to get away from the intensity of feeling, to rise above and not have to feel, not have to b…

Buddhist traditions have long agreed that the Buddha was a strategist in the way he taught, particularly when it came to teaching the insights that lead to awakening. Various ways of analyzing the Buddha’s strategies have been devised over the centuries, one of the most prominent—both in Theravada and Mahayana traditions—being the theory that the Buddha taught two levels of truth: conventional tru…

The first Noble Truth is the understanding of suffering, and the second is the insight into letting go. The suffering that we are talking about comes from attachment out of ignorance, out of habit, greed, hatred and delusion. We tend to react to sensory impingement: either wanting the pleasant or not wanting the unpleasant. So the tendency is to react and grasp, and grasping also implies trying to…

We might ask ourselves: How much energy, time and attention do I want to give to the practice? What place does the spiritual practice have in my life? Here, spiritual practice does not only mean formal meditation practice. It also means giving attention to our spiritual friends, spending quality time with people who are on the same path. Giving time and attention to a friend who might need some he…