Boon Khoon

…In Western cultures there is, of course, love and attachment between parents and children, but generally speaking the sense of mutual obligation is much weaker.

Values such as independence and individual freedom are given more weight. A special, profound bond between parents and children may be felt by many, but it is not articulated as a moral standard that upholds the society, as it is in Buddhist cultures like Thailand.

The importance we give to the boon khoon of parents may be traced to the Buddha’s teachings on mundane Right View, the basis for understanding what’s what in our lives. In the Pali texts, the Buddha says that we should believe that our father is real and our mother is real. Are you confused as you read this? Why did the Buddha think he had to tell us that? Isn’t it obvious? Who doesn’t know that we’ve been born into this world because we have truly existing parents?

The thing to understand here is that these words are idiomatic. What the Buddha is saying is that we need to believe that there is a special significance in the relationship between parents and children, a significance that we should acknowledge and honour. The relationship between parents and children is mysterious and profound.

The Buddha teaches us that there is no heavier kamma than to kill one’s mother or father. In Pali, it is called anantariya kamma – kamma so heinous that its terrible results cannot be avoided, no matter how sincere the perpetrator’s regret might be. So whereas Angulimala could become an arahant despite having killed 999 people, it would have been impossible if he had killed just one person, if that one person had been either his mother or father.

The Buddha did not teach the profundity of this relationship merely as a skilful means to promote family values. It is a timeless truth that he discovered and then revealed for the benefit of the human race. It is an important Buddhist principle that the relationship between our parents and us is deep and profound and probably has been going on for many lifetimes.

Hence, we should accept, respect, and care about this relationship.

This reflection by Ajahn Jayasaro is from the booklet Daughters and Sons (pdf), pp. 9-11, translated from the Thai original—Neesaksit (Sacred Debt)—by Hadaya. [Also see the book, Gratitude.]