I have not felt inspired to write recently. The days roll past quietly–a light breeze in the trees. Sweat seeps from my pores at all hours of the day and the mind feels as stagnant as the humid air. The perfect setting for letting go, but not quite so perfect a setting for writing. In college I took a fiction/poetry writing workshop for two semesters. My professor said that while getting her graduate degree in creative writing one of her professors had said that to become a writer they must write for four hours a day whether inspired or not. This is good advice good writing takes effort and often it takes several pages before something of use arises.

This is the same type of advice given to spiritual aspirants. Every waking moment should be part of your meditation practice. No matter what the conditions you must meditate. There can be times when the mind refuses to cooperate and those times can sometimes last for weeks. It can lead to a deep depression and the more one desires concentration the deeper the depression goes. I have gotten caught in that spot so many times, but until recently I have not been able to spot the cause for the depression.
It is based, of course, on clinging and aversion due to an ignorance of the way things are. I do not know why I never made this connection before perhaps I was too involved in being depressed about the terrible conditions in my life. When we are wise to the cause of suffering we pull out its support and it loses all its power and fades away. However, it is not one instant of wisdom that topples a negative mind-state, but sustained wisdom that slowly eases it away. When the mind is conditioned by a negative mind-state it takes a while for the neurochemistry produced by that state to get used up and during this time the mind inclines toward depression, or anger, etc.

The opposite is also true. One can drop into a very concentrated state and become quite blissful. After meditation the bliss continues for a time before it expires. How often have I desired that the bliss last forever? The Buddha said that all suffering is caused by holding onto something impermanent as permanent. So holding onto the pleasant is also a cause for suffering.

In the past my spiritual practice focused on not suffering in the future. Working so hard to attain something majestic I would skip over the present moment. Perhaps the most profound revelation for me then has been that if I let go of the desire to attain I can be at peace in the present moment. In fact if I let go of other cravings and aversions in the present moment then the peace is even stronger and more stable. As the peace gets more stable and coarse attachments fall away more hidden attachments reveal themselves. Meditation is like a river that slowly erodes the land and exposes all the sedimentary layers below the surface.

Equanimity is one of the four divine abodes. It is a way of examining all phenomena without attraction or revulsion. It is often misinterpreted as apathy, but that is not the case. Say you are walking down a sidewalk and you see the most attractive person in the world. A little later you approach a homeless person asleep on a vent in the sidewalk that is blowing the acrid stench of a filthy ill human body all over the block, a bit later you notice that a large rough-looking man is coming down the street toward you. So in one walk you have longing, aversion and fear, this could be a very stressful walk if it goes on any further. In all of these cases the constant is suffering, but what if you were to look at others with equanimity? Where is the suffering? What happens in the heart?

Some would argue that there are people out there who wish to do harm to others so fear is well founded. I have to say that on this pilgrimage there were many instances that I felt intimidated only to find that the mind was the only one fixed on making me suffer. Many times those I feared turned out to be very helpful generous people.

There are some people who do have ill intentions, but having fear isn't going to do you any good. You do have to have wisdom about staying out of situations that put you at a great risk of harm, but I would not label that fear. If I smoked I would not light a cigarette while filling a car with gas out of care for my safety. In the same way I take precautions to not end up in other potentially dangerous situations. I am not afraid of conditions that could lead to harm I am just aware of them.

Often those most difficult to have equanimity toward are not strangers, but those who we come across every day like our significant others, co-workers, teachers or students, and friends and relatives. What do you see when you look at them without attachment to your shared past and without attachment to your Self?

Living in a conditioned universe when certain things cease that sets the conditions for others to arise. When you let go of attachment to views and opinions about a person what else ceases in the heart and what arises in its stead? What does equanimity feel like?

I have found that a lot of times the four sublime abodes are discussed conceptually, but not experientially. Currently, the mind has become very interested in the experience of peace. Before it was more interested in the concept of peace and, being focused on the concept, it kept the experience of peace at arms-length. In a similar fashion when you view others not with equanimity, but out of accumulated habit you experience them at arms-length. In other words when you see your concept of a person you fail to see the person. To view others from equanimity you must also view yourself from equanimity. As you begin to get a clearer picture of your nature you also get a clearer picture of the nature of others. When this is perfected experiencing yourself you experience others.

I must request that you take none of what I have written as Truth. I do not mean to pose it as such. This is just the line of questioning that I have been following in the last week. It is 'truth' as it is truly the view I have at this moment, but like everything in the universe that view is subject to change. My hope is that others will find reflecting on these things as useful as I have.