June 1

Start of our fourth month on the road.

Yesterday morning I had one of those vivid dreams that you might have once or twice a year—the ones you feel have a deeper meaning. In the dream I was reading a newspaper and saw a story about an old man who died in a house fire. The man died because the exit to the house was upstairs and he was unable to climb the stairs. The story was even more tragic because three of his young grandchildren also died in the fire. In the dream I started crying and the crying felt real. Then all of a sudden I realize actually I’m not crying because of this news story but because the pilgrimage is over. I immediately woke up at that point.

Later I was telling Ajahn Dhammaratana about this and I saw the significance of the dream. The old man dies because of his own negligence in living in a house where the exit is someplace difficult for him to reach. The sadness in the dream comes when I realize that his error costs the life of his three grandchildren. So in real terms, I knew there was a possibility I would not be healthy enough to do the walk. But Austin and I started it anyway and began writing about our experiences. Now many people are reading the journals and our getting sick is ending the walk for those who are vicariously living the walk though the journal. Now if this is one of you, you will have to finish the walk on your own!

I very consciously wanted to do this walk to experience the generosity that I had read about in other people’s pilgrimages. These stories really inspired me, and I hoped that having similar experiences would inspire other people to risk a bit and to follow their own dreams.

I did have a premonition that I would get ill during this walk. Austin and I discussed it several times before the walk began and at the beginning of the walk—you might recall on day one I was not feeling well. Even though we didn’t walk as long as I would have hoped, I am very happy that Austin and I attempted the walk. If we had never left the comfort of the monastery or Austin’s situation in lay life, we would always be wondering, “What if?”

Having experienced spontaneous generosity, seeing “miracles” happen, and meeting such wonderful people really did make all the difficulties and disappointments worth the effort.

It is interesting to me that once I finally surrendered to ending the walk, things are became easier. Last night I had perhaps the clearest meditation I have had in a while. Several of our contacts immediately contacted us and said, “Yes come.” We found out yesterday afternoon that Steve McCurry of National Geographic was scheduled to arrive at the Bhavana Society that night! We had missed Steve several times and I gave up hope of ever meeting him.

Today Steve took Austin and me for a short drive around the country roads to find a suitable site to photograph us walking with our backpacks (like we were on pilgrimage). My pack was stuffed with pillows, so it was nice and light. Why hadn’t I thought of that before?

Most of the Bhavana community went into Winchester, Virginia, so Steve could photograph the almsround. Six of us went, including myself. We ended up going early to give Steve more time to photograph. As a result we walked for almost an hour and a half. Twice as long as the longest walk I’ve taken in a month. Fortunately we passed our parked cars and I was able to stop and rest. With just that little amount of energy I ended up sleeping three hours after the meal.

That experience was good for me, as the day before I was feeling about as good as I’ve felt since getting ill. It was a good reminder that I really need to stop.

While on almsround Austin used the time to register himself with the Universal Life Church as a Reverend. He is going to Oregon in August to perform marriage ceremonies for several of his friends and needed to do this in order to marry them. Now he will be impossible to live with; I’ll have to call him, “the Reverend Austin Stewart." One line in the chanting we do here reads, “Those to whom the Dhamma is clear, are not led into other doctrines.” Austin said their (now his) doctrine is all religions are great and do what ever you think is best. Sounds pretty hedonistic to me.